Saturday, August 20, 2011

A Staples Story

I'm a cornball.

I am.  I admit it.  I am an absolute cornball.  Not only do I secretly listen to really bad and really cheesy pop music on occasion (*gasp*), I also have a silly infatuation with office and school supplies.  I love spiral bound notebooks and new packages of pencils.  I love folders and highlighters and binders.  A new box of crayons makes my heart do a little flippity-flop.  And don't even get me started on how much I adore post-it notes!  I just can't handle it.

It's no surprise I went to Staples today, cruising the vast aisles in search of these:


(WOO-WEE!!!!  Saw an online ad for them and KNEW I had to have them.)

And these:


You bet I found them!  And with minimal disturbance from the kids, too.  (Only one "hiccup" from the Cam Man over a small, dry erase board.  I said he couldn't have it; he laid down in the protractor aisle.)  A nice girl with raven-black hair and an exorbitant amount of dark eyeliner ("emo?" or "misunderstood?") smiled her best "Staples employee" smile (more like a tired grimace) and offered to help me at her checkout stand.

In the middle of the transaction, an elderly man approached from behind and asked for assistance.  Seconds later, he saw me and said to the Staples employee, "Oh!  I'm sorry.  You finish helping this gentleman first."

WHAT?!

Naturally, his comment caught my attention!  I turned around, looked right at him, and smiled.  His jaw dropped.  "Oh my goodness!  I am...so sorry," he stammered.  "You are a lady!  I'm sorry!  I...I...I didn't know...because of your hat.  I'm so sorry."

(Side note:  I was wearing an Old Navy baseball cap.)

Clearly, this man was flustered.  I could tell he felt bad.  So, in true "Aleisha fashion," I acted like a cornball.  You see, I have this thing I do whenever I am nervous or uncomfortable.  I always, always say something really stupid or really embarrassing, in a vain (and lame) attempt to be funny.  You know...to lighten the mood.  To help everyone feel less uncomfortable.  Call it a coping mechanism.  Perhaps it is a defense mechanism.  Maybe, simply, it's a cornball mechanism.  Sometimes it works; most often I end up sticking my foot (clad in pretty, polka-dot flats) in my mouth.

I turned to the blundering man and said, "It's alright.  I DO look like a guy, especially with this hat on.  With my hat, my short hair, and my flat chest, it is easy to make that mistake."

He just looked at me.  The mom that was third in line, buying school supplies with her kids, just looked at me.  The "emo checker" just looked at me.  I giggled nervously, like a five-year-old, and lugged Cam up onto my hip.  I simultaneously grabbed my purchase and Lilly's hand, and bolted for the door.

As I ran across the sweltering parking lot, my brain was screaming:  "Foot in your mouth!  FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH!!"

Later, I was telling McHubby my Staples story.  When I told him what I said, his comment was:  "Oh no!  You didn't!?!  Good one, Aleisha!  You probably made the situation more awkward by drawing attention to your chest.  I mean, he was an old man!"  Ugh!

So before I go to bed tonight, I'll write, "I will NOT make comments about my lack of boobs to old men in Staples," one hundred times.  I think I'll write it in my Justin Bieber notebook.   I'll use my spiffy, new, leopard-print pen.




 (For another "gender blunder" story, check out my dear friend's blog, A Day in the Life.   Amy also writes a wonderful food/recipe blog.  www.famousberriesandbeans.blogspot.com

25 comments:

  1. I'm still mortified for BOTH of us... UGH!

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  2. Oh my gosh!!! This is SO something I would do. I've been mistaken for a boy on more than one occasion and it never fails to sting just a little. Glad I'm not alone. :) Stopping by from Say Hi Sunday, oh! And I love the picture at the end. You're gorgeous even with facial hair. WTH? :)

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  3. Hahaha this is so cute/funny/embarrassing/something I would do!!
    I think, in you, I've found my twin, halfway around the world!! lol
    I totally get your stationery addiction, I LOVE all those pretty notebooks and pens and often buy them thinking what I could use it for :)
    You crack me up Aleisha, you may need to stay away from Staples for a bit hehehe

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  4. Oh my, HAHA, totally something I would do as well--I am always saying something I wish I could take back when I am in an uncomfortable situation. And I have to say--I ADORE your hair!!

    New follower via Super Stalker Sunday very much looking forward to future posts! :)

    Nissa

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  5. BAHAHAHAHA...hilarious! Love your response! :)

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  6. Hi!!! I'm stopping by from the Super Stalker Sunday! Thanks so much for linking up with us this weekend! I hope you have had a great weekend and I look forward to stalking with you again next weekend!!

    Kortney @ Kortney's Krazy Life

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  7. AHHHH HAHAHAHAHAHA!! first off, love your moustache necklace!! i have been seeing them on etsy lately! and you're so pretty, even with a stache :)
    i love that you said "boobs" to an old man!! i love that you love animal print and the beebinator!!! i love notebooks! i have a bajillion filled with all my insanities and doodlies!
    my hubby always shakes his head at me. LOL
    hope you had a wonderful weekend and your week starts off on the right foot (even if you have to put it in your mouth again)
    xoxoxox
    love,
    maria

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  8. stinking love that picture!!

    <3xojo

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  9. Hi!!! I'm stopping by and following from Not So Moody Monday Blog Hop. I hope you'll check out my blog Frazzled Mama at http://frazzled-mama.com and follow me back.

    Hope you have a great week.

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  10. I'm a Staples/Office supply fanatic too...glad I'm not alone!! I'm a new follower from Not-So-Moody Monday hop.
    Monica

    Blog – http://oldermommystillyummy.blogspot.com/
    Twitter – http://twitter.com/OlderMommyStill
    Facebook – https://www.facebook.com/pages/Older-Mommy-Still-Yummy/173498892705144

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  11. Oh my, I am addicted to office supplies too! And I feel your pain! Only it is usually my hubby that makes the comment about my flat chest!

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  12. Oh my gosh . . . I am dying right now!! I love that you pointed out your chest to that old man! You probably made his week! :) Ha ha ha ha! And I know how you feel about school supplies . . . a brand new Sharpie marker does it for me. Maybe at Christmas we should just swap new school supplies instead of gifts. Ha ha ha ha!
    Love ya!

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  13. I love school/office supplies too!

    Funny post!love it!


    Stopping by to visit and to say HI! :)
    Have a great week!
    Angie
    www.littleinspiration.com

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  14. Hi! I’m following your blog. Please stop by and say hi when you get a chance. If you’re ever interested in a blog makeover please let me know. Take a look at my portfolio and packages when you get a chance. Hope you are having a Sweet Week.

    April
    A Mommy’s Blog Design Studio
    Join us every Friday for our Blog Hop!
    Review and Giveaway Blog Directory

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  15. So happy you came by Twinfatuation today! This post (and you!) are hysterical and I am COMPLETELY a happy new follower. (anyone who shares my office/school supply envy this time of year is my kind of gal!)

    Thanks so much for linking up with Makes My Monday...hope you will often!

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  16. I love your blog! Please follow me back at:
    www.romanianprincess.com

    XoXo Nicole Mariana

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  17. Lovin the animal print pens! I am now following you from the hop and would love a follow back over at
    http://mizzreviewlady-mommyreviews.blogspot.com/
    Thanks :)

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  18. Funny. I haven't heard anyone call themselves a cornball in a while :) Following you from the Tuesday Follow - hope you can stop by and return the favor soon.
    http://www.shaunanosler.blogspot.com/

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  19. I'm proud to say that I get my daily giggle fix from you, Mama Leisha! Hilarious, I wouldn't have had you respond in any other way! Comedy gold, haha!

    Cheers,
    Kate

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  20. HAHAHA!!! Too much! First of all, I have been in the awkward position of calling a woman "sir" before and it totally sucks. Second, I have this nervous need to fill the silence or uncomfortable feelings with some inappropriate self-deprecating jokes and my way-too-loud laughing. If the person I'm talking to doesn't also start laughing (like everyone in Staples in your case) I will CONTINUE to laugh even louder (to the point of SCREAMING) until they either politely chuckle or start backing away. I feel your pain. And third, apparently you and I are the only ones who find talking about our boobs completely fine. People need to lighten up, sheesh. ;)

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