Friday, September 2, 2011

Undercover

Things have been a little weird around here.

Undercover police officers have been hanging out in my neighborhood; wearing plain clothes and parking in "unassuming" vehicles.  Apparently, my neighbor's creepy, weirdo son is a "wanted" man.  I'm not sure what he's done, what crimes he has committed, or why he wears the ugliest jeans known to man...I just know that the police have been looking for him.

Earlier this week, as I went to the fridge to get some milk for the kiddos, I happened to glance out my kitchen window.

"Why hello there, handsome," I said, as I looked at the man who was being framed like a portrait by my window pane.  He was in a dress shirt, gray slacks, and a pretty silk tie.  He was talking on his cell phone.  He had a gun in a holster and a sparkly badge on his hip.

"James!", I yelled, "I think there is a federal agent in our backyard!"  Because you see, I am an expert on federal agents.  I go to the movies.  I watch TV.  I can spot one from several yards away...which is about how far away he was from our house, leaning slightly on the fence beneath a tree.  (McMan's response was typical--uninterested and unimpressed.  "Uh...okay," he said.)

Mr. Handsome Agent looked up and noticed me and my kids standing at the window.  We waved cheerfully at him.  No response.  He donned his dark shades (sooo classic) and started to walk towards the front of our house.

Well, shoot!  My curiosity  had been tweaked!   I ran to the front of the house, to the large window in the living room, and looked out at the parking lot.

"Holy shmokes, there's another one!", I yelled.  Equally handsome.  Equally dressed nice.  Equally carrying a gun.  They got into an unmarked car and drove off.

To make a long story short, we have been asked by a local authority to be on the lookout; like a neighborhood watch.  As residents of this nice little community, we are keeping our peepers open!  We are like that dog that takes a bite out of crime.  We are peeking from our blinds and watching for an ugly "low-rider" and a dude who styles his hair like a goober.  (Blech, too much gel.)  It's DEFCON 1 around here, and I'm seriously contemplating camouflage as my new wardrobe staple.  Good people live here!  We are not going to stand for poo-poo-ca-ca on our street.  No, sir!


I'm ready!  You bet I'll help my local officials.  (And those cutie pies who wear silk ties.)  I'll call the authorities at the very appearance of "shadiness"...or bedazzled jeans.  My neighbors and friends can rest easy knowing I will protect our street from all the forces of evil!


And I don't need to know where to go to purchase handcuffs.  Trust me (*wink*), I already have them!



(Note:  There is a "happy" end to this story.  I'm very relieved.  The "ending" came last night, when close to 20 police officers swarmed my neighborhood and made their arrest.  Thankfully, they caught the guy they had been looking for.  I celebrated by eating a doughnut.)

17 comments:

  1. Gosh, I'd have been quite scared! We don't see police officers round here with guns. I live in a very remote location in the countryside in the north of England. We're lucky if we see a police officer at all, lol.

    Your header photo is absolutely stunning. Found you on the Weekend Blog Hop and am happy to follow your blog.

    Have a great weekend, CJ xx

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  2. Hi I'm a new follower from So Followed Saturday! Looking forward to reading. :o)

    Jamie
    For Love of Cupcakes

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  3. First off, I am going to have that song in my head all day! Hahahaha steve and I sing it to each other to be funny!! Lol love it.
    Second, you are so much cuter and more fierce than harry potter could ever be!!
    And third, so glad they caught the goober!!
    Ok, and a fourth, really really happy with the way you celebrated!!
    Hope your weekend is fabulous! Thinking about you!
    Love,
    Tacohead
    Xoxoxoxoxo
    You crack me up with your *handcuffs* hahahaha

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  4. HAHAHA!!! That is Awesome! I think you would make camo glam.

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  5. Oh you hit it with some Twisted Sister!!! Ahhh I love it! And that Harry Potter pic, I'm dying over here! Haha! Let me tell you, I would have been ALL OVER the feds in my neighborhood. My brother calls me a "Professional Rubber Necker". NOTHING gets past me. If I even see the reflection of blue and red lights from around the bend on my street, I'm on it! Baby in stroller, check. Sunglasses, check. iPod tuned to police scanner (yeah, so what), check. My neighbors have come to expect me any time there's suspicious activity. Jeff says I watch too much Cops, since I always think the emergency will be a "perp" who's "hopped up on PCP"...and usually it's just an elderly neighbor needing a little oxygen. One day though it really will be my PCP'd perp and I'll take him down. Then they'll thank me. I might even get a parade.

    Also, you have to watch out for guys in bedazzled jeans. They're always the most dangerous. ;)

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  6. Oh, remember the movie The Burbs with Tom Hanks? Haha

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  7. Phew!! Good thing there is an ending to this story...I was worried that going outside in my bedazzled jean vest was going to cause an uprising.

    WM

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  8. What!!! You are such a brave woman being on a stake-out like that with donuts at the ready too, very well prepared!
    Did you find out what he was arrested for? Good thing you didn't have to make a citizens arrest and risk losing your fluffy handcuffs...wait...you never mentioned they were fluffy, where'd I get that from?
    Well my American twin, you did us all proud and copped a bit of eye candy while you were at it ;)
    P.S. I adore you tremendously too, even more so now you're practically a federal agent!

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  9. Hahahahaa! That cracked me up! I would have been out there like, What y'all doing?! lol
    I'm not scared to ask!

    New follower!

    Lori @ http://la-lashomedaycare.blogspot.com/

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  10. Hi! I am your newest follower via Blog Hop!. I hope you get some time to stop by and follow me back at http://mommyhoodsdiary.com
    I look forward to reading your posts.
    Have a great long weekend!

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  11. That cracked me up!!
    LMAO about the handcuffs! :)

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  12. Hi, I am your newest follower via Blog Hop. I hope you can follow me back. Lovely post, btw! :)

    http://mygorgeouspinkcheeks.blogspot.com

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  13. This is why I love you LOL Twisted Sister and HP, hot feds and a donut all in one post.
    PS- also loved that when I watched the video, the google ad said "Want to study Christianity?" hmmm while Twisted Siter is playing? probably not. :)

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  14. i am glad they found him!!! but even happier that you got to have a donut! thats great!

    i am a new follower from SSS, please follow me back: http://quiet-ct.blogspot.com

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  15. You are so funny. My husband works as a criminal investigator for the state. Glad they got the bad guy and you got your donut. PS I love your other post too linked up at Bacon Time and I am going to feature you on Thursday afternoon.
    Hugs from Bacon Time.

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  16. Awesome! This cracked me UP! I came over from Homemaker By Choice's blog hop. I look forward to reading. ;)

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  17. oh my gosh! that is some straight up CSI stuff right there! :) LOL! how exciting! i totally would have been all over that - and def in camo hiding behind bushes in the back yard with my squirt gun....ready to fire at any instant. hahahaha! you're awesome! i love this blog!

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