Sunday, October 16, 2011

Hot Mom

I once saw a young guy wearing a t-shirt with the words, "I {Heart} Hot Moms" printed on it.  Sure, it was cheeky...but I have to admit, it made me smile!

Here's the thing:  I've never really considered myself a "hot mom."  (I'm much too squirrely for such a title.) 

At thirty-one, I have as many pimples as most fourteen year old girls.  (I know this because I have made comparisons while standing in line for the Twilight movies.)  I don't have time to wash my hair most days.  Though I adore Sephora, I could probably use a couple of pointers on how to apply makeup.  I wear a retainer at bedtime.  If I don't, the gap between my two front teeth starts to look like Letterman's.  I love to wear my pajama pants almost as much as I love to eat tacos.  And if it wasn't for Joann at "Wax Me Too," my gnarly brows would look like Martin Scorsese's.


Or Peter Gallagher's.

Remember THIS post?

Or Sean Connery's.


(You get the idea.)

A couple of days ago, I decided to "doll" myself up.  (No "frumpy mom" for me!)  I put on my new, red and white striped shirt.  I pulled out my skinny jeans with the teeny tiny rhinestones on the back pockets.  I wore shiny flats with little bows on the toes.  I remembered to put on red lipstick!

McHubby called from work and suggested we get together for lunch.  I loaded the kids into the car and drove to the mall (a good "half way" point) to meet him at the food court.

After Cam had dumped most of his chocolate milk down the front of his shirt, and after we had snarfed Chick-Fil-A nuggets, it was time to part ways.  James had to get back to work and I HAD to make my way to Bath and Body Works to smell all the new Christmas candles.  As I walked through the mall--with a bulky, sticky, messy stroller, and a prancing pre-schooler, and a two-year-old "mooing" like a cow--I began to notice something.  Attention from strangers.

The elderly man sitting in the plush lounge chairs outside of Macy's smiled at me.  The obnoxiously "shmoozy" dudes working the "Exotic Serums From The Center Of The Earth" kiosk did not offer to obliterate my crows feet with their magical lotion, but rather winked and smiled at me and said, "Hello."  The bearded guy working in Bath and Body Works (yes, he was even wearing an apron) stopped restocking shelves of anti-bacterial hand soap long enough to glance my way.  Even the middle-aged man working the counter at Mrs. Fields (hey, I wanted a cookie!) did a double-take when I approached the glass case.

I couldn't believe it.  "What is going on around here?," I wondered.

Had I finally, FINALLY obtained "hot mom" status!?!  I mean, holy guacamole,  I was wearing a cute outfit and red lipstick and I WAS GETTING CHECKED OUT!  I left the mall feeling giddy (and not at all frumpy) and holding my head high.

When we got home, I slipped into the bathroom to use the "potty."  (Too many Diet Cokes at lunch!)  I looked down to undo my snazzy jeans and was met with SHOCK and MORTIFICATION!!  The perpetual light bulb clicked on above my head, and suddenly all the attention I was getting made perfect (and embarrassing) sense...

My ZIPPER was already DOWN!

18 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha ha! NOOOOOOO! :) I seriously doubt that they even noticed your zipper was down! You ARE a hot mom!! Your rock those skinny jeans with your long legs and cute butt. :) Love ya!

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  2. First of all, those are three very distinguished sets of eyebrows up there, and you should feel nothing but honored if you can be included among them. I'm jealous. Haha Also, I'm sure they were still checking you out! The downed zipper was just a bonus!

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  3. HAHAHAHA!!! I love you! You know you are a hot mom, the zipper down was just an added frosting to the hot mom cake. You go girl!

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  4. ha- nice of james to notice!

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  5. I hopped over from "A not so moody monday" blog hop and I follow you on GFC! I love your blog and hope you can stop by to check mine out sometime and follow back!

    @ http://magicallifeofmamas.blogspot.com/

    - Sarah Kay

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  6. I am sure that not one of those people noticed your zipper. It was your beautiful self that they noticed. You are one rockin hot mama.

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  7. New GFC follower from Mommy on the Move blog. Hope you visit me sometime.
    http://mylittlehouseoftreasures.blogspot.com/
    Thanks
    Darlene

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  8. hahahaha aleisha!!! there is NO WAY they were staring at your zipper!! they were staring at your radiant self! i know it!
    this post had me laughing so loud...the mrs fields cookie man, the apron b and b works man LOL i had a total mental picture!!
    that is an exceptionally awesome picture of you and lilly!! awwww!! that's a framer!! i love everything about it!! including your amazing headband! man, i seriously am in love with hair things!!
    i hope you're doing well!!!!
    xoxoxox
    tacohead

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  9. HA! This could only happen to you, my little Leish! Only to you!! I am laughing so much my tears are getting in the way. Way to go, HOT MOM!

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  10. Nice try but gonna give a definite NOPE on this one. Believe me. I've had the forgotten zipper left down and no one looked twice. You're smoking. Own it!

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  11. ROFL - that was too cute :) We check the kids all of the time and forget ourselves ... life as a mama. This is Lea from the Blog Hops Everyday stopping by to say hello and follow via your Google Friend Connect. It's great to meet you and have the opportunity to check out your blog. I invite you to visit Mother Baby Child Blogspot to learn more about my family and blog topics. Hugs & Blessings :)

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  12. So funny! New follower from the hop, hope you'll stop by and visit: http://www.margsformommy.com.
    Great blog!

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  13. Hi, we are new followers. Please stop by and check out our new blog Blog Hops Everyday. If you host a blog hop feel free to add your button to our site. Blog Hop Till You Drop!

    Bobby
    Your One Stop Blog Hop Shop
    Blog Hops Everyday
    31 Days to Build a Better Blog

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  14. HA! This was so much fun to read. And I'm a sucker for surprise endings... You inspired me to take a shower today. You should seriously feel honored for that... I may even put on some cute jeans!

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  15. You have a great blog. I'm a new reader and I found you on The Chatty Mommy. I have left my zipper down more times than I care to say. But I have never noticed anyone else leaving theirs down. I'm sure they weren't looking at you because of that!

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  16. HAHAHAHA I freakin' love you! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahha! This is soooooo something I would do! Although, these days, I am so paranoid of anything showing above my knee caps that I could wear my zipper down all week and no one would notice! LOL! One day, I will get rid of the baby weight, and feel confident again! And wear my zipper down with PRIDE! You are ONE HOT MAMMA, lipstick or not! I think you are beautiful, and I love this blog! You would turn heads no.matter.what, girlfriend! BTW, loving that headband you have on in the last photo! Super cute!

    XOXOXOXOO

    ~ Kelly

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  17. You are hilarious!!! Love it, hahaha sorry for the embarrassment though but hey, look at it this way - at least they were checking you out :)
    And how did those candles smell? Hehehe

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  18. Ah, thank you to all my darling friends who commented! And thank you for saying it was ME and NOT my ZIPPER! HA HA!! Come on now! I'm pretty sure it was my zipper. I mean, it was wide open! YIKES! HA HA!

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I LOVE hearing from you! Thanks for making my day brighter with your comments! I mean it. (Now go have yourself a Diet Coke!)