Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Holy Zits!

The sad, sad skin on my chinny-chin-chin has been a dermatological conundrum since having my babies.  I'd like to blame this "little dude," for part of that, but I can't...he's too "kiss-that-face-off" adorable.


Call it hormones.  Call it adult acne.  Call it a pain in the face!  Whatever it is, it's no barrel of monkeys!  I am a very mature (I can *hear* you giggling), thirty-something, grownup woman with the chin of a pubescent junior high kid who cannot be late for Math class!

So, I scrub my face with PanOxyl.  I use topical benzoyl peroxide and salicylic acid.  I eat cookies.  (Not relevant.)  I visit the dermatologist's office a couple of times a year, and primarily see the physician's assistant, Mike.  He's a nice guy, usually helpful, very smart, with dermis as smooth as glass.  (Grrrr.)

Today I found myself in a small, sterile-white exam room, deliberating over whether or not I should browse, "Parent & Child," or an outdated "Time," while I waited for Mike.  The reading material was uninteresting to me, and I refused to study (or even glance at) the graphic, disturbing posters on the wall...lest I toss my breakfast.  Those posters depicted types of skin cancer in their various stages of growth.  One long and lasting linger by my peepers, and I knew acute paranoia would set in--thus resulting in a frantic, compulsive check of my body for "cancerous" moles.  Instead, I reflected on the last time I had been in that exam room...      

"Aleisha, let me grab your chart and quickly review my notes.  It will help me get caught up on what we've been doing for treatment.  Just give me a minute to read over this," says Mike, as he leafs through several sheets of paper in a brown file.

"Sure, no problem," I reply.  I sit quietly and listen as he proceeds to skim-read my chart aloud.

"Patient saw significant results after round of oral antibiotics...using topical Duac with success...main concern was mild breakouts along hairline and forehead...but should be noted that patient uses a substantial amount of..."

Mike pauses.  He clears his throat.  I see his eyes quickly dart to where I am sitting.  I smile, fold my arms, and wait for him to continue.  I'm watching him, daring him to say it.

"I beg your pardon," he says, all professional and "Mr. Manners" and such.

"No, no.  It's fine," I respond, forcing myself to hide a smirk.  I wait for him to read the comment that gave him pause.  I have a hunch I already know where this is going.  He proceeds:

"Should be noted that patient uses a substantial amount of...HAIR PRODUCT."

AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!  HA HA HA HA HA!!

A rapid knock-knock-knock snapped me out of my reverie.  Mike--donning a crisp, sparkling lab coat--strode into the room; my brown file tucked under his arm.  I bit my lip to keep from giggling as he greeted me, sat down, and pulled out his glasses.  I knew what was coming next: he was going to "review."  I didn't need to listen, yet.  I already knew what was in there.

I gave in and looked at those blasted posters instead.

19 comments:

  1. Oh girl! I feel your pain and have been there and done that!!! I got the hairspray talk the last time I was in the dermo office. It makes everyone squirm so nuk it up!

    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What? Hairspray causes acne? What are you going to do without product? You'll be flat and lifeless and not to mention your hair will be too ;)
    Oh you poor thing, it's not a laughing matter, I hope it clears up soon for you. Were you one of those lucky teenagers that didn't get any pimples back in the day, if so, oopsie ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep, apparently volumizing spray, pomade, and hair spray are bad for my little ol' forehead. The dermo dude was NOT kidding when he said I use a substantial amount of product....as in, FIVE products at one time! HA HA HA! Thanks for the comment, Kerry! LOVE YOU!

      Delete
  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! hey girlfriend, you've got FABULOUS AMAZING SEXY FUNKY FUN AND FRESH LOCKS!!
    it is worth it, no?! :)
    you know how much i adore your hair...makes me want to chop mine off again.
    how funny!!!...i can just imagine you sitting there trying your best not to smirk and burst out in laughter! was the dr a hottie like camren's dentist? ;)
    i love the way you tell a story!!!!
    and i was CRACKING UP at lilly's quip about james and the potty...i read it aloud to steve and he was like, "yep, that's right!" men and potties :)

    thank you so much for your sweet comment the other day. i miss you tons. it's hard to believe that it's only been a month since i waving goodbye to you in the airport!! :*)
    i wore the CTR ring you gave me today...still wearing it...it helped me feel peace with all lots of decisions that keep on coming our way.
    i love you.
    i miss you.
    come to pa.
    we can play dress up and frolick in the meadow <3
    XOXOXOXOX huge virtual hugs!
    tacomaria

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love you, I miss you, I want to come to PA and eat tacos and get pedicures! Thinking of you today, doll!

      Delete
  4. * a lot of decisions...not all lots...LOL
    oh, tacohead needs another diet coke :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. you are too cute. Seriously you always make me laugh when reading your blog. You rock!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I ADORE YOU! Thanks for the sweet compliment!

      Delete
  6. Hi, I'm stoping by from monday mokey hop! Cute Blog.. I am on your google connect now! =)
    Jennifer Peele
    http://www.a-mothers-fitness2love.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jennifer! Loved your blog! You are a tough chick and very inspiring. Thanks for stopping by!

      Delete
  7. Oh my gosh . . . how have I never heard this story before?! That is so freakin' hilarious!! I am due to go see my dermo this month. Ug. I swear the zits should go away once you turn 21. I am so sick of them! Hope you are doing well! I feel like I have not seen you forever.
    Love you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CAMILLE!!!!!! I love you and I miss you! I've been thinking about you TONS lately...especially since you sent me that sweet, sweet text a while back. It was beautiful and it made me get all choked up! Thanks for the comment on my zitty post!

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. Mrs. Pancakes!!!!!! Thanks for stopping by!!!!

      Delete
  9. Oh my goodness! This is hilarious!!!!! :o) I love the way you tell a story!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sarah Kate! What a wonderful compliment! (I DO love to tell a story.) THANK YOU for brightening my day!

      Delete
  10. I SAID A HIP HOP, THE HIPPIE, THE HIPPIE, TO THE HIP HIP HOPPITY HAPPY EASTER TO YA!!!
    i hope that you and your beautiful family have a sweet Easter full of many blessings. I love you and drank a diet coke today in your honor <3
    XOXOXO
    maria

    ReplyDelete
  11. hahahahahahaahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! oh my gosh, you are so funny! i am cracking up! LMAO! you make me laugh every single time i read your posts!

    xoxoxoxooxo

    Kelly

    ReplyDelete

I LOVE hearing from you! Thanks for making my day brighter with your comments! I mean it. (Now go have yourself a Diet Coke!)