Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Tears and Shoes

I had a breakdown in the parking lot of Lilly's school.

All the parents had dropped off their kids--hugging and kissing them goodbye, wishing them well, saying things like, "Don't forget your backpack," and "Have a great day!"  The buses had left, the bell had rang, the parking lot had cleared out.  And still, I sat there.  In my dirty Chevy Blazer.  Wearing a baggy t-shirt and my old hat.

I cried.  And I'm not talking about a few gentle tears streaming down my cheeks, either!  I'm not talking about a lip quiver and a sniffy sniffle.  I full on busted out "the ugly cry."  I bawled and bawled.  Tears gushing!  Face blotching!  Snot running!  Gasping hiccups and closed-off throat and swollen eyelids!  Essentially, a "face melting" experience comparable to the one that dude had in the Indiana Jones movie.  (You know, because he "chose poorly.")

Eeeeeewwwww!!!!!!
I sat in my car for fifteen minutes, and let myself feel what I feel.  Because I'm a believer in that.  You have to let yourself feel what you feel sometimes.  I cried for the stomach flu that has attacked my home this week, for the fatigue that has invaded every inch of my body, for my aching hips, and for the two nights of sleep I lost bleaching, bleaching, bleaching everything.  I cried for my daughter's incessant whining and for her verbal attacks on my parenting capabilities:  "You're not any fun," and "I wish I had a different mom."  I cried for my stinky hair and my stinky arm pits, for the lack of food (and Diet Coke) in the fridge, and for my son's resistance to STAY PUT in his "big boy bed."

When my tear ducts were finished purging some of the emotional load I had been carrying, I did the only thing I could do.  I blew my nose and wiped my face...then I went to Ross.  I bought new shoes.


I bought these too.


As I left the store, I realized the "face melting," breakdown had been cathartic; the release, cleansing.  I felt better.  Sure, I was tired and drained, but I also knew that I was going to be okay.  I had a renewed desire to face my day (and it's challenges) head on.  My feet were going to look pretty while doing it.      

Tears and shoes can be really good things.

37 comments:

  1. I'm sorry you had a breakdown.
    I am happy you have new, colorful shoes!
    You're right, everything will be ok.

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  2. Love the shoes! Its nice to have a good cry now and then. ((hugs)) hope things turn around for the better soon!

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  3. I seriously love you girl. I need to remember this the next time I have an ugly cry... I will be running straight to TJ Maxx for some new kicks :) Hope your day is better!! You are such a good mom!

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  4. It sounds healthy that you allow yourself a good cry. I come from a family of criers, my husband and his family are the complete opposite. I think being able to let out our emotions is cleansing. (Perhaps the reason my in-laws are so grouchy?)
    The yellow shoes are to die for, by the way.

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  5. Big hugs!! Those breakdowns seem to hit in the least likely places, don't they?
    LOVE your new shoes!! You are beautiful!!

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  6. oh, I love you! i'm so sorry you had a cry fest but at the same time, i'm glad you got it out...because like you said - you need to feel what you feel. I say that all the time. you need to just let it all out. that photo of skeleton freakman made me LOL!!! I so have had that exact type of cry in my car...MANY times. I wish I was closer so I could take you for a five buck box and a giant diet coke. speaking of diet coke...ummm, i may or may not have had one today. and i may or may not be doing my very best to not go downstairs and guzzle some more. piper just nursed and went back to bed. and i am wide awake.
    okay, sorry, got off subject. lol.
    i'm glad you got to go out to ross...i bet your ross is awesome. ours isn't that great but sometimes i find a deal or two. those mustard and blue shoes are so cute and fun for summer! i'm thinking of you always and love you mucho!!! xoxoxox
    tacohead

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  7. Sometimes a good cry is all you need to feel better. But new shoes? Those will almost always make life better. You should've grabbed some ice cream while you were at it!
    Lots of love!
    Kaylynn
    AmongTheYoung.com

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  8. I loved this one and meant to comment the other day. I love your writing because it is SO YOUR VOICE. Talented and delightful and laughter and tears. You know, the whole bit.

    CAN WE BE BEST FRIENDS???

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  9. Girly...I feel you! I agree a good purging cry always helps for sure...and if not, the shoes sure do!! I read something today on Matt Townsend's Facebook feed and I made me think of what you wrote so I had to come back and leave a comment so you know I was here...anyway, he said the following, "Too many people overvalue what they are not and under value what they ARE!" You are amazing!!

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