I ate apple pie for breakfast.
I suppose I justified it by telling myself all kinds of silly trifles, like: "An apple is a fruit, Leish, so this is actually healthy." And, "Life is short, so just eat the pie. It's really not a big deal..."
But in actuality, you guys, as I shoveled that warm cinnamon-y goodness into my mouth I realized something: I feel sad. I feel alone. (And that was why I was eating the pie!)
I watched as crocodile (or is it alligator?) tears plopped and plopped onto that golden, flaky crust. I sat my fork down and dropped my head to my chest:
Are you there, God? It's me, Aleisha. Do you see me? Do you love me? Do I matter to you? To anyone? Is anything I am doing in my home and in my community making a difference? And why do I feel worthless?
I try to be a positive person. I fight hard to find joy in everyday life--in the vistas and in the trenches. I know I "preach" that here, in my tiny corner of the online universe. I tell you that you matter. I tell you that you are good. I tell you that you have a place in the world that cannot be taken, filled, or replaced. I encourage you to be happy and to remember how loved you are.
But am I guilty of forgetting to direct my message to myself sometimes? Absolutely. Am I only human, like you? Susceptible to self doubt and heartache and sadness, like you? Undoubtedly. And like you, I often need the gentle reminders from heaven that speak to my spirit and say, "I not only see you...I'm with you."
How is He--the creator and Father of us all, who loves infinitely and perfectly, who is more grand and glorious than we can comprehend--how is He able to be with me?!?!
He sends me you. That is the precious answer I have received in the subsequent days after my apple pie prayer. He sends me you.
And you are kind and compassionate and supportive. You love large and serve often. You text me and call me. You read all of these thoughts of my heart and mind and comment with comforting words like, I get it. I understand. I've been there.
You bring me Diet Coke and pinatas. You keep my pantry stocked with mini chocolate bars and Halloween candy goodness. You take the time to write a nice card. You hug me and look out for me and seek to understand my son. You make me laugh; you think I'm funny. You seek inspiration and follow-through when God guides you to a mama who is sad and eating apple pie for breakfast.
And that is what I wish to shout from the beautiful mountaintops outside my front window: Always follow-through! If you feel the urge to be kind and to serve another--that comes as a tug at your heart or as a prick where your soul dwells--then do it. Do it, do it, do it!
Kindness and love are never wasted. They are God's most powerful tools in fortifying the discouraged, the overwhelmed, and the depressed. They strengthen the undisputed bond that women have with other women--as sister to sister, and friend to friend. (And even stranger to stranger!) Kindness and love will always, always make a difference in the life of the recipient. (And guess what?! The giver is blessed as well!) We need to unfailingly follow-through with impressions to serve. Every time.
Thank you for being so giving to me.
Thank you for reminding me I'm loved.
Thank you for blessing my life.
I know my prayers have been heard and answered.
And I admit it...I'm thankful for apple pie, too.