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Sunday, April 8, 2018

The One In Which I Write a Letter

To my dearest Cam,

Oftentimes I find myself wishing I could know what is going on inside that beautiful, intelligent, complicated, mischievous mind of yours.

How I long for you to tell me about your day; your hopes and dreams, what brings you joy and what makes you happy, what causes your heart to ache. So many questions. And so many answers that I don't have.

But Cam, I don't worry about that right now. Not too much anyway. I can't let myself. Because I know that when this life if over, and you and I are together in the next one, I will have the clarity I lack now. I'll have those sought-after answers that currently elude me. This knowledge brings me great peace.

For now, I will celebrate what I do know. That you are my son, that you bring me great joy, that you love bubble baths and legos and brownies, that you are funny and charming. You have a great and quirky sense of humor. You make me laugh. You are a light.

I'm tremendously blessed to be your mother. I'm blessed to have you as my special boy. I know that you were meant for me and that I was meant for you. We're in this together, little man!

I'll love you forever.


  1. Sometimes when I have wondered about the uncertainty that comes from life with a child with a chd and all the "why's" and "what if's" I know that he and I were meant to be together...I know it deep in my heart. I also know that I wouldn't change any of it if it changed WHO Ethan is. It softens and changes in the most beautiful way...I put it at the feet of my Savior and I know, no matter what, all is well.❤

  2. I look at my daughter and often wonder why. She has so many things that add to her special needs, and so there isn't any one "name" or diagnosis that she falls under. Everything is a challenge filled with uncertainty for her future, and every day there seems to be a new struggle. Then I see her for who she is. The creative, happy, ridiculous, loveable girl that she was created to be. She was created just as Heavenly Father intended and she is a Daughter of God. She will accomplish what she needs to in this life, and just as you said in your beautiful letter to your son, I will celebrate her now and everyday for the rest of our lives in this temporary state. This is such a wonderful letter to your son. Thank you for sharing, and helping me also.


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